I know that we would love to have perfect little families, so if you didn't know or were in denial about that little fact, it becomes very clear when you read "Unlocking Your Family Patterns" by Dr. Henry Cloud, Dave Carder, Dr. John Townsend, and Dr. Earl Henslin.
The authors, who are experts in their field, helped me to not only understand why I do what I do within my family of origin, my current family and other relationships, but to also identify the behaviors that are harmful. For those undesirable or downright harmful behaviors, because they have now been brought to the light, I can now make a choice to change and/or heal. And so can you. The authors really encourage support from others, whether that is in the form of a group (i.e. a 12 step group) or individual professional counseling.
For me personally, this book was enlightening, thought-provoking, and encouraging. At the same time, I spent a lot of time on the "Questions for Reflection" at the end of each chapter considering my family of origin's patterns and the changes I need to make to break negative cycles. This book was something I really needed to read, but was pretty painful in places, too.
Knowledge is power. If we continue doing what we have done, we will continue getting what we have gotten. Maybe, like me, you have some learning to do. This book is a great place to start.
Disclosure of Material Connection: I was provided a free copy of this book by Moody Publishers in exchange for my honest opinion.